A Scandinavian booze cruise

The beefy chap sitting next to me on the deck of the MS Isabella removed his trousers, revealing a tight black pair of briefs. He supped on his Carlsberg, drew on his cigar and slid back into his plastic chair next to his admiring family. Had I been so engrossed in my ipod I had missed a game of strip poker going on around me?

No; it was just another ferry trip across the Baltic.

At the first ray of sunshine the fellow had ripped off his t-shirt, exposing his expansive Viking chest but, it being Scandinavia, he didn’t stop there. I sunk into my fleece and pondered the stereotypes being confirmed around me on this 11 hour ride between Stockholm and the port of Turku, in southern Finland.

It was glorious weather; the sea was as flat as a pancake. A fine day for getting gloriously drunk on the duty free booze. Lapin Kulta for the gents, gin and tonic in a can for the ladies. And what better place to do it; complete with disco, casino and more slot machines a-plenty (plus of course the obligatory sauna) the Isabella was Las Vegas-on-sea.

To complement the beer-swilling muscle men there was a more than healthy contingent of goths, waif-like and pallid with multiple piercings, black-dyed hair and drab clothing promising various doom-laden futures. This was hardly surprising for a ship heading for Finland, but I couldn’t help noticing how normal their parents looked.

Regardless of how many lagers they’d swilled, no-one could fail to be impressed by the scenery: sliding out of the picture-perfect centre of Stockholm we passed between hundreds of forested islands lining the route to sea. As we left Sweden behind and entered the Baltic we soon reached Marie Hamn the tiny ‘capital’ of the Aland islands, a collection of hundreds of low-lying, rocky islands lying in the Baltic between Sweden and Finland.

An interesting quirk of international relations the islands autonomous status is a result of the shifting power struggles between Sweden, Finland and their great neighbour to the east, Russia - all of which have left their influence.

Whilst they are technically Finnish, their small population scattered across the archipelago are neither Swedish nor Finnish, speaking as they do various Swedish dialects , and having their own flag, local government and even stamps. Perhaps Wantage could learn a thing or two.

Back on deck, after several hours negotiating the narrow passages between the islands, the Isabella headed once more out to sea. The karaoke booming out from the disco was reaching execrable proportions. Mr Carlsberg wasn’t listening though - he had been thrown out of the bar and sat groaning at a bench outside; with his head in his hands his faithful son put a consoling arm around his shoulder. Hangovers are always worse at sea.

picture: MS Isabella leaving Stockhom

Typical passengers:
MS Isabelle: blonde wife, bearded husband, gaggle of flaxen-haired kids sunbathing
VR (Finnish railways, Turku harbour-Tampere): passengers laden down with duty-free booze, dragging their booty along corriders and stuffing it in every available space (including in prams)